out of the blue.

i honestly have no idea where to start this blog. 


i haven't written here since your birthday... wth. 


which makes writing this even more difficult. 


i'm not going to get into detail about what happened. i doubt anyone will ever read this anyways. 
so here i feel safe... i promised to stand by your side no matter how tough it got. && i told you that in the beginning. and boy, let me tell you how tough it is right now. 


if you want me to leave, please just tell me to. but if you don't...
if you don't...
you should know where i am. right behind you. 


batgirl wasn't in every episode. but she always had his back. 


now i don't know if i'm acting like a little girl;  holding on to promises, sappy nicknames, and crazy dreams of staying with the guy she's madly in love with .... so just to make sure i'm gonna stick around till the very end. 


i don't know what i'm doing. i just know that i pray all day long now. i use to pray every morning and night, before i ate, and when i got sad. but lately, i pray more than i talk. i blame allergies on these crying eyes in the middle of the summer. 


honestly, i just want to make sure i'm not waiting in vain for love... 


now, i don't want to look weak here. i'm stronger than anyone thinks, really. i'm doing things over here and accomplishing goals i never thought i could. so don't take this for weakness. 
i feel like love is the one exception to every single rule. so if i look like a little girl telling all my feelings sue me. if i look weak because i'm spilling my soul to the internet sue me. i do it because i love. 


"i love how hard you love" ... i will never forget that quote. thanks bri for telling me that. most people will never get to love as much as i love. and i truly consider that a blessing. 


people can tweet and facebook how much they love someone. post pictures, make status about their other all day long. but the moment they aren't together and one person says how sad they are without them, they're weak. WHY IS THAT? 


why are we allowed to show the world when we are happy, but not when we're sad. why do we make ourselves only cry in the dark. why do we force ourselves to show everyone we're happy if we really aren't. i'm all for showing how you feel all the time. when you're sad, show it. when you're angry, show it. when you're happy show it. 


i just don't want to feel like a certain emotion can't be shown more than others. 


so this is why i'm here today. telling my feelings. 


i have yet to find one reason to walk away. && i'm not too sure why. ask me why i stay, and i have a list of a million reasons...
so because of that. i'll keep looking up in the sky for that signal. 


i'm going to go on about my days. trust me. i'm living. but i'm still looking up. don't ever forget it.