4.41am

so im up. went to bed wayy too early last night.

and here i am awake. can't go back to bed.

i have aLOt of my mind this early morning.

1st thought. take a shower. lol. i feel yucky. but i will after this post goes up.

2nd. him. i want him here. i need his 'everything-will-be-alright' hug. they come in handy. i hate not having a phone. he's not readily available. this calling him from random numbers isnt working out. i cant wait till tonight to get my phone.

3rd. him again. i have so much faith in us it scares me. i saw something today that threw me thru a loop. im afraid. i hope the fear wears off. im giving my all in this. i hope mr.orr is doing the same.

4th. my mom made me soooo mad on saturday. i honestly dont know the next time i will speak to her. nor do i worry about the next time i will speak to her. ive never been so disappointed in an action from her in my life.

5th. my mind is going bizzerk over this school thing. im loosing it. because of my car. im only able to go to school online. therefore, i need to go to a school that offers online classes. however. not too many online classes are offered in my major. which brings me to my next thought.

6th. do i need to change my major? ahhh. too many decisions!

7th. i miss my iphone. i cant believe i let this lil nig get away with stealing my phone. out my damn coat pocket. i shouldve beat that girls ash. lol. but im better than that. annnd she was way too scared of me. that wouldnt have been fair.

8th. my job is beginning to wear me thin.

9th. dance is beginning to wear me thin. [yeah i wish i was getting skinny]

10th. i wish i could go back to sleep. who knows the next time im gonna get alot of sleep like this.

11th. this headache wont go away. ive popped some aspirin and ive been sleep since 7pm. what thee heck?

12th. i swear if i dont become pink soon. im going to scream. i hate reds. i cant wait to make them jealous.

13th. im gonna work my butt off until i get my money back up. for some reason ive spent it all. i have no clue as to wear it went honestly. just a month ago. i was sitting pretty buying uggs and what not. now im hurting and waiting for payday to come. just to pay off bills and such. car note. car insurance. expenditures for my car. christmas gifts. etc. what in the world am i gonna do.

14th. my life was looking up. and in an weekend. it all came crashing down. i was smiling. genuinely. and people were actually taking notice of that.... now the same people are crying because i look so sad i made them feel bad for me.

15th. if it wasnt for bdette and javona last saturday idk what i wouldve done to that girl. she literally had to pull me off that biish. and i never screamed so loud in fear for a friend getting hurt in my life. [fukyoungmoney]

16th. ohkay im done venting. my three readers thanks for reading. even if it did nothing for your life. it made me feel better. that you listened. [or read] lol.