the life× of alwaysgold.

hello, my name is B R Y

2012-01-29T10:15:00.000-08:00

&& how you doin.

i'm extremely bored.

but i should be doing my homework.

i went to a party last night with my girlphrens

i got home and talked to my boophren.
[boophren - a boo who isn't your boyphren]
[[yet]]

lol. byee.

im sorry

2012-01-21T07:12:00.000-08:00

i never feel like blogging anymore.
i'm too into my pictures now.

random night.
lol

an ion need Clyde imma boss. eff a Bonnie ya digg.

2011-12-08T15:32:00.001-08:00

What exactly I'm thankful for:

2011-11-24T08:01:00.000-08:00

My life:
In it's entirety. It's ups and downs, highs and lows, joys and pains. I couldn't ask for another, because that wasn't God's plan for me. It can definitely always be worse, and I will not complain.

My family:
Those people are thee craziest people I've ever known. But they love deep down, and are secretly my biggest fans. I truly adore them:
Alvyn&Yolanda - Charles&Maria- Joey&Karen-Joe&Remy- Romelo - Cherish - Brya - Ayalah- Jada - Jalyn- Mateo - Danielle - Stephen - Aaron

My friends:
No words can express my love for these sugarplums!
Jasmine - Melanie - Brittany - Javona
Shannon - Alysha - Jasmine - Kierra - Amaris
Unique - Franny - Danielle - Kalea - Brehanna
Morgan - Samira - Mia - Rahmie
Andre - Ricardo - yea bl too. lol

My ears, arms, and feet:
Without these three, I would not have the ability to dance. I am truly thankful for my God given talent and I don't plan on stopping until something doesn't work anymore.

My iphone, car, house, clothes, hairbows, and nail polish collection:
These things provide me warm, happiness, security, and transportation.

My job:
Everyone doesn't have one of these. Therefore I am always grateful for mine.

If I think of anything else, I'll def come back and write about it.
Happy Turkey Day Everyone

2011-11-23T16:27:00.001-08:00

and she's finally doing better.

=)

turkey day is tomorrow.
coming soon:
what i'm thankful for.

get knocked down. but not knocked out.

2011-10-16T19:02:00.000-07:00

I refuse to stay down. I just refuse to.

It's taken me some long months, some sleepless nights, and some puffy crying eyes.

--but i'm still here.

2011-10-01T17:52:00.000-07:00

i haven't stopped thinking about you...

it's just gotten easier to not cry about it.

2011-09-18T21:00:00.000-07:00

i told him where i come from.
i
don't wanna go back.

he said compared to where he's from.
it can't be that bad.

and he said...
we come from two different worlds girl.
you're just earth girl.
you could never understand the type of man i am.

-jhene aiko efuru chilombo.

in the mood

2011-09-10T16:14:00.001-07:00

to do some choreo. now to figure out what song...

ps...

i went to miami:

______.

2011-09-05T19:21:00.000-07:00

how did i have the time of my life in miami.

bright lights, long nights.

my best friends. and the some of the best laughs & memories.

but every time i layed my head down to sleep.

all i thought about was......

wait. are we in the middle of a hurricane?

2011-08-27T18:15:00.001-07:00

o_o

Lord be with us...

these times are getting crazy.

was that an earthquake yesterday???

2011-08-24T19:42:00.001-07:00

o_O

ongoings.

2011-08-21T19:47:00.000-07:00

fall11 starts tomorrow. and i immediately need to put in double work because of my miami vacay NEXT THURSDAY. so i have to do this weeks and next weeks assignments THIS WEEK in order to relax in some miami sun. so i'm ready to put in this work.

passed my final saturday from my summer class. praying for a passing grade so i can get that tuition reimbursement from the j o b ya digg. [sorry had a loser moment with the 'ya digg']

i've been loosing weight and i couldn't be happier. not that i need to lose weigh to feel happy, but i felt that getting healthier [i.e eating better and more exercise] would make me happier. and i was right. i have more confidence now and kickboxing "the new love of my life" is addictive... seriously.

-- so this single thing is so not cool. lol.
i mean i enjoy my own time. and i love having to only worry about me. but me being the nurturing, loving, and giving person that i love to be i want to be that for someone. but i know it's just not God's time for me. so i'm just living and smiling, until he's ready to give me someone. i'm in no way, shape, or form looking for another. the next guy has some big shoes to fill. and it'll probably be a while before someone else can be that one guy in my life that makes me smile from ear to ear. *sigh*

to be honest. i was never angry at him or the situation. i was just more hurt. i was never mad at him. he did nothing to make me mad. i wish we could be friends, but right now i just don't see him reaching out for that. so i'm just working on brytni alix dowe. and no one else.

i am beyond thankful for all of my friends, family, and sisters for being by my side. without them {&& Jesus of course} i would not have made it this far. so all im doing is just smiling..

**anyways**

i got my name on a ring. and i'm in lovee.

just painted my nails... i got these new nail dotting tools.
more experiments to come.

wait huh?

2011-08-16T17:34:00.000-07:00

so i had this long story... i typed it all up.

it was about my friend.

then i deleted it.

lol. sorry. felt it was a little too personal.

guess ill just figure this one out on my own.

it's a survey!

2011-08-14T12:15:00.000-07:00

so this is how it works... if i highlight it. it pertains to me. lol sounds like fun. *geek*

My shoulders are always hot, but my feet are always cold.
This is not the first survey I have ever taken.
I am interested in taking psychology classes.
I refuse to use any other brand of tissue besides Kleenex.
Duct tape annoys me more than it amuses me.
Easter used to be my favorite holiday.
My lips are chapped at this moment.
I was afraid of the monster under my bed as a child.
I have a boyfriend.
My birthday is in February.
I decide I want to take a survey only if I see a certain question that I’d like to answer.
I have never left this country.
The word “fluffy” makes me laugh.
I have cried within the last 24 hours.
My fingertips are freezing cold.
I have already eaten dinner.
Normally I don’t eat breakfast. I think I should start.
I really don’t like country music.
I have thrown up from crying too much before.
I love Sushi.
I always look at people’s away messages.
I crack my knuckles often.
I’m not in any sports.
I play the acoustic guitar, and I love it.
I have only been to 2 concerts before in my life.
I get along better with guys.
I am mostly French heritage.
I had a pet turtle one summer.I get excited about getting new underwear.
I need a boost in my self-esteem.
I love receiving mail and e-mail.
I’ve had a penpal before.
I can’t sleep on my back. I just can’t.
I dislike public bathrooms .
I listen to my parents; it’s just that sometimes I really don’t care.
Once in my life, I named a pigeon.
I laugh when I watch old home videos
I used to be obsessed with the Spice Girls.
I once started a fire in my microwave.
I wish on Tootsie Roll Pop wrappers.
I really like the name Mathias.
I often fake my happiness for the benefit of others.
I keep a diary online and a diary on paper.
I love reading. It takes me away from reality.
I don’t like getting my picture taken.
The OC is my favorite TV show ever.
I feel like crying when I look at old pictures.
I have a very busy day tomorrow.
I am/have dated a basketball player.
I know a guy who is almost never seen without a hat/cap/fedora/etc.
I dislike movie musicals.
I know someone who drives a pink car.

im still here.

2011-08-13T09:29:00.000-07:00

yea i should be napping. but i'm not.

there isn't much to type about either.

however... im updating my pic blog almost every day. =)

2011-08-08T19:20:00.000-07:00

i randomly decided to make this the other day. it really does mean alot to me. my first serious photoshop project. i'm in love with this pic. everyday i'm getting stronger. everyday i'm getting better. realizing that i can walk away and that i'll be okay. nothing is impossible for me. i've accomplished so much within this past year and a half, maybe his purpose was just for a season. i've learned my lesson. time to make lemonade. =)

sooo moving on. work life is cool. new job is exciting. everyday is different. yet i miss my babies so much. i knew this was gonna happen. i wanted to get away from the management so bad, but i knew i was going to dread living my babies. ughhh i miss them i miss them i miss them. im going to spoil my real children someday.

however, i'm already looking for another job. it's not that i'm not enjoying my time here. but i need to be somewhere, with just a little more pay, and a little more space. all these rules & restrictions aren't flying with me. all i want is another desk, without a phone. lol. thats it.

considering going back to dance. just not with the crew. thats all ill say about that. i love my besties. all of them are great. i cannot wait to go to miami in september. i have literally rushed my entire summer for this. and thats fine. summer wasn't that exciting anyways. school is so frustrating, not the classes, the money to take the classes. that part is making this whole thing soooo not fun. but im gonna keep going.
i love farren. i love purple. i love working out. almost all the time now. im getting smaller. and ummm life is good.

yea. life is good.

there are so many things to be thankful for than to be worrying about whats going wrong.

onamission.

2011-08-02T14:15:00.000-07:00

i got this plan you see.
to find my happy. ness again.

i have daily talks with my Jesus & i know that someday i can look back and just smile about all of this.
i get stronger and stronger as the days go by. i feel it.

the only thing i ask is that i don't get crossed by the person who i'm walking away from or pulled back in by him either. i prefer to keep moving in the direction i'm going. forward. & alone. [but never lonely]
I pray that he never makes me angry enough to never want to speak to him again. I would hate for that to happen. i can't wait to have my friendship with him again but that of course takes time. But i do know that i need to get a move on.

and begin to write this new book, on my own.

take your time sweetheart.

moving mountains

2011-07-26T19:30:00.000-07:00

so i finally painted my room

before.

after.

that only took 5 years of wishful thinking to finally do.

among other things.

i must let things be.

leaving it God's hands.

i promise i will move this mountain.

welp. this sums it up.

2011-07-24T13:15:00.001-07:00

"i'm just sayin ill do whateva.
without you here. i cannot do betta."

untitled.

2011-07-22T03:36:00.000-07:00

up & down.
back & forth.

one minute i'm here.
the next i'm not.

faith is one very hard thing to have.
but i still have it, even if it's only an ounce.

nasty little boogers

2011-07-12T08:27:00.000-07:00

i hope i never get bit by one of these again...

definitely one of the scariest things to happen to me.

i'm back home now. after spending forever in the hospital.
my thigh is extremely numb,my chest hurts, and i gotta go back to the doctors today to get an EKG and some bloodwork.
Lord, be with me. all i did was pray in the hospital last night. well this morning.

epiphany.

2011-07-09T20:14:00.000-07:00

when you stop looking.

it will come.

thats how it always happens.

on God's timing.

not ours.

out of the blue.

2011-07-09T06:11:00.000-07:00

i honestly have no idea where to start this blog.

i haven't written here since your birthday... wth.

which makes writing this even more difficult.

i'm not going to get into detail about what happened. i doubt anyone will ever read this anyways.
so here i feel safe... i promised to stand by your side no matter how tough it got. && i told you that in the beginning. and boy, let me tell you how tough it is right now.

if you want me to leave, please just tell me to. but if you don't...
if you don't...
you should know where i am. right behind you.

batgirl wasn't in every episode. but she always had his back.

now i don't know if i'm acting like a little girl; holding on to promises, sappy nicknames, and crazy dreams of staying with the guy she's madly in love with .... so just to make sure i'm gonna stick around till the very end.

i don't know what i'm doing. i just know that i pray all day long now. i use to pray every morning and night, before i ate, and when i got sad. but lately, i pray more than i talk. i blame allergies on these crying eyes in the middle of the summer.

honestly, i just want to make sure i'm not waiting in vain for love...

now, i don't want to look weak here. i'm stronger than anyone thinks, really. i'm doing things over here and accomplishing goals i never thought i could. so don't take this for weakness.
i feel like love is the one exception to every single rule. so if i look like a little girl telling all my feelings sue me. if i look weak because i'm spilling my soul to the internet sue me. i do it because i love.

"i love how hard you love" ... i will never forget that quote. thanks bri for telling me that. most people will never get to love as much as i love. and i truly consider that a blessing.

people can tweet and facebook how much they love someone. post pictures, make status about their other all day long. but the moment they aren't together and one person says how sad they are without them, they're weak. WHY IS THAT?

why are we allowed to show the world when we are happy, but not when we're sad. why do we make ourselves only cry in the dark. why do we force ourselves to show everyone we're happy if we really aren't. i'm all for showing how you feel all the time. when you're sad, show it. when you're angry, show it. when you're happy show it.

i just don't want to feel like a certain emotion can't be shown more than others.

so this is why i'm here today. telling my feelings.

i have yet to find one reason to walk away. && i'm not too sure why. ask me why i stay, and i have a list of a million reasons...
so because of that. i'll keep looking up in the sky for that signal.

i'm going to go on about my days. trust me. i'm living. but i'm still looking up. don't ever forget it.

boy id rather be wit chu.

2010-11-16T19:15:00.000-08:00

so i love this video.
andd ummmm. yeah
it makes me smile.

happy birthday baby.

easy like sunday morning.

2010-11-07T07:32:00.000-08:00

i felt the need the write a post before i leave for my sunday happenings.

theres so many things in my life that i have that alot of people dont. so i should not complain at all. however one of those things, is not healthy for me anymore.

my love life is great. my schooling is going so much better than ive ever expected. i have a car. im living in my home. i have good health. im finding ways to work around my low paycheck. BUT my job. it honestly killing me, stressing me out beyond belief. and many more problems that i shouldnt describe on the internet.

anyways.
im just gonna keep smiling. because i will definitely find something else that is better for me. but i do plan on finding this something else by my birthday.

anyways:

i got new earrings.

i voted.

i have an i heart boobies bracelet.
[for breast cancer]
&& now someone thinks my bf is a prop.
ugh.

this.is.mee. [part duex]

2010-11-01T20:53:00.000-07:00

so i randomly stumbled upon a past entry. entitled
this.is.mee
it was basically me talking about me. and my current goings. so ive decided to do it again.

this.is.mee.

here i am. back again. since i wrote my past this.is.mee quite a few things have changed.
i am older. almost two years older actually. im coming close to the age of 23. oh what a life im living.
i still smile. nonstop. that will never change. my urge to cry every 5 seconds has stopped however. i have a child now, her name is farren. and she is the best car a mommy could have. when im feeling down. i can hop in my car, and just drive for hours. when i have enough gas. dance is still one of the most important things in my life. im in a dance crew called ambychun. were pretty much a big deal. my bigs. chavall and audrey. they keep me sane. speaking of friends. its been a crazy year. i love my girls though. brittany. javona. melanie. jayme. jasmine. erin. janine. my fake lil sisters are still in there tho. kalea. dani. unique. franny. speaking of sisters. my sissys. id kill for them. cherish brya & ayalah. i still have an addiction to shopping. however. with this paycheck & these bills. my shopping habits have been put on hold. im also back in school. university of maryland to be exact. im grinding. like i promised myself i would. i also stay home on friday nights. im becoming an old lady. but thats fine. seeing as i found the love of my life. jordan is my bestfriend and my boyfriend. it hasnt even been a year yet. but i know this is something that will go far. i can honestly say. a boyfriend has never made me as happy as he does. imma sucker for kisses and cuddling. i could sit in the house and watch movies with him all day long. && i love how we can act like kiddies together. *sapp* anyways. im still working with the kiddies. hoping to find another place of work. but for right now. im coping. i have started going to church more often from the last time i wrote this. i have a pet fish. her name is purple. i still love my iphone & i would still cry if i lost it. again. im in love with pink lipstick. ive been wearing it since high school. before nicki minaj knew she was nicki minaj. by the way. i love her. alot. ive gotten my phototagraphy inspiration back. im saving for a fancy camera. then ill be great. music has become even more important to me than its always been. ive learned how to stretch pennies like its nobodys business. ive been told ill be a great mommy some day. and im happy to see a happy. better. happy. silly. & happy. me.

sick as a dog.

2010-09-22T20:00:00.000-07:00

i really dont know how sick a dog can get.
but this
<------
is exactly how i feel.

yeah yeah yeah. so what. im sick and blogging. but im in the bed. so ha. im drugged up on my codine (from the doc) so ill be passing out in about 6 minutes.

anyways. my kids at work got me sick. so its really hard to cure yourself of a sickness you keep going back to everyday.

its wednesday night. i just need to stick it out 2 more days. then no class on saturday (cancelled) and i can get all my rest in.

the problem is now that im working. dancing. and schooling. all simultaneously. its hard to find a time to sleep.

ugh.
i just need to get thru.

ahhh cue in drowsiness.

night nighttttttttttttttt

ekk! gLee ^_^

2010-09-21T19:01:00.000-07:00

i wanna be a billionaire. so freakin badd.

tonights episode of gLee was great.

empire state of mind - jayz & alicia keys
telephone - lady gaga
billionaire - travis mccoy & bruno mars
listen - dreamgirls
what i did for love - a chorus line

all songs were a may zhing!

the cat fight.
the beast.
the filipina
the boob job

great.
i can't wait for next week.

i love being asian
^-^

bah. bop. bop. gLee!

we're all in the gutter. but some of us. are looking at the stars.

2010-09-20T20:10:00.000-07:00

baby youre a fire.work.
cmon show em what.
youre worth.

been gone for a minute.

2010-09-14T18:01:00.000-07:00

now im back with the jumpoff. -lilkim.

lol.
im corny.

anyways. its been forever since ive blogged. since about the beginning of summer. guess i was too busy to sit down and type..

welp lets catch up.

1.--im back in school--
lets have a motherfuxkin toast to that!!!
goodness. online classes and then a class on campus. (university maryland btw)
not too excited about my new school. but hey, im back learning. i can't complain with that.

2. my chipmunks graduated!
im not longer a 4s teacher. i have been moved to the toddler room. so now my babies... are actually babies. my hearts are juliet, marcella, and julie. i love those little ones.

3. me&batman
are still happy.
end of story.

4. farren turned 1
sept 8th was the day i drove off the VW lot with my baby farren. weve gone thru tires, boyfriends, fender benders, tints, and then some. shes still alive. mommy works hard to take care of you!

5. keep your friends close....
still working on it. thats all i can say.

6. ambychun
we gotta show october 2nd at six flags. we steppin up. to my three readers. come out and support!

****

in other news.

i wanna start blogging about my everyday random thoughts.
but then again. thats what twitter is for.

ahwell.
we'll see where that goes.

&& you can run and tell that.
homeboiiii.

3Gs

2010-06-21T18:41:00.000-07:00

the update is almost heaven...
lol i love it..

anyways. in other news...

watery eyes.

2010-06-17T19:34:00.000-07:00

ive been a big blog of emotions for the most part of my day.

i dont understand.

actually... i kinda do.

anyways. thats not the point.

sometimes i feel like im just.

not. enough.

i give my all. i walk a thousand miles only to find that i need to walk a million more...

*sighz*....

*wipes tear*

alright im done. tomorrow will be a better day.

stardom

2010-06-15T20:30:00.000-07:00

i wish i had cool things to say like other people everyday in their blogs.

im so boring.

my wall is more interesting than me lol

stressedout. uptight. overworked. woundup.

2010-06-13T19:38:00.000-07:00

idk wtf is wrong with me.

im coughing my lungs out.

im sneezing like theres an effing pollen count in my room.

and my head hurts every time i sniffle.

wtf.

im wayyy to worn out & exhausted.

at least my hunnie came to visit to make me feel better.

i lub hem.

"i hope not sporadically."

2010-05-26T20:49:00.000-07:00

so im convinced that ill be blogging on a 'im bored' basis. lol.

but at least ill do it right?

ehhh. no one reads this stuff anyways.

welp. here goes:

so life is getting a lot better.

IM GOING BACK TO SCHOOL IN THE FALL!!!!!

*wipes sweat from brow*

sheesh. i never thought i was going back. i really thought my parents made me a dropout.

university of maryland university college here i come.

-only bad thing- i gotta start over. but im taking it as a chance to start my grades over. and be serious this time.

work is work.

im looking for a new job currently. my heart is there. but love aint paying these bills baby. smh.

i love those kids but somethings def got to give.

i love my chipmunks.

things are back on track with my friends. i have all my pretty girls. and we're great. we had a bumpy restart. but we're good now. =)

i missed all of us together.

FA.0h6. the beginning of something pretty.

Then batman&batgirl lived happily ever after.

people tell me all the time theyve never seen me this happy. or act so comfortable around someone. people even say we act like best friends more than boyfriend and girlfriend.

and thats fine. because hes my bestest friend. hes got my back. and i got his. ily. yeah i said it. lol. but who reads this isht anyways.

&& i want this forever. i swear...

alright. welp thats enough of the updates for now.

its almost summertime =D

who knows the next time ill be back....

i feel good.

i feel wonderful.

&& its because.

you made it that way.

-love story. big sean.

ohsosorry.

2010-04-11T20:45:00.000-07:00

ive been in serious neglect with this blog.

[forreal forreal some ppl were clocking my page so i took a hiatus]

-life has just being going and going and going.

no sleep.

no break.

no day off.

no nothing.

ugh. ive barely had time to catch my breath.

-its almost summer. i need to save up as much money as i can because these summer trips with my pretty girls are gonna be wild. summer 0hten. is gonna be a crazy one.

hi we're theepg.

-i took a break from dance. that was crazy. and now im starting back up again.

i miss *ambychun* and im glad to be back dancing.

-the love life is wonderful. =)

o boy is gone. out the window. peace. lol.

it was tough. but it had to be done.

theres somebody else who cares about me just as much as i care about them.

thats all i could ever ask for.

-i go back to school in the summer!!!

everybody clap for me!

[applause]

2 years off and im scared but this school ish has to get done.

umuc here i come.

-my family. is my family. crazy.

-#random but i miss my ex bestfriend.

-i wish my job would pay me more. maybe then i wouldnt be looking for another one.

because i love the kids. i just dont love that paycheck.

ps. why my daughter gotta be the one eating. not smiling... fatty.

-farren needs a bath. and a serious interior detail. but ill do that this week sometime.

welp. its late. i need to go to bed.

i promise ill be back sooner than last time.

#nowplaying. youre all i need. -mary j. & method man.

itsbeenawhile

2010-03-02T18:25:00.001-08:00

sorry im neglecting thee.

just a whole lot going on.

dont really have much to say except...

'they never seem to miss such a great thing.until its gone.'

ily day.

2010-02-14T08:49:00.000-08:00

happy valentines day everybody.

today is a good day.

alot of things have been going on in my life lately. alot of good changes have been made too.

something new in my life.. its been a month. and i love it. =)

left that horrible situation. it was 3 years. but im happy im finally over it.

yeah i know ive said that wayyy too many times on here. 'this is the last time' and such.

but i know now. im pretty much over it.

i hope youre happy now. cuz i am.

anyways. i really need all this stress in my life to calm down. forreal forreal.

i need more money honestly. that would just solve all the problems.

but yeah.

im just sitting here listening to my music. thinking about how this is first valentines day in a long time where i wont be crying later on. or i woke up pissed that my valentine was sharing his love all over the world.

i have 1 valentine. that wants me to be his only valentine. lol.

[awww shiddd im getting mushy. must stop]

ahhhh.

id never think i would fall for all that mushy lovey dovey stuff again.

i guess o boy got me use to nothing. and now that i get all that stuff. everyday. allday now.

i dont ever wanna go back to that old thing.

its old for a reason.

#nowplaying.

good for you. nsync.

ahhhh. im in a good place finally.

snowpocalypse.

2010-02-06T14:38:00.000-08:00

theres so much snow outside right now.

and it hasn't stopped.

im going crazy. and this is only day 1. luckily im stocked with food. im gonna be in here for a while.

thank god for the internet. && skype.

ive been loving the past 3 weeks.

its been wonderful.

hope i dont get too mushy. thats what im dreading lol.

anyways. when the snow is over. there will be pics.

ps. sorry i havent been on here in forever. lol. ive been busy. =)

scared of you.

2010-01-30T08:48:00.001-08:00

my world is changing.

im rearranging.

and im afraid. of everything new that is about to happen.

i dont even feel like getting into details today.

ugh.

but i do know im supposed to be happy about all this...

thrown out.

2010-01-10T10:21:00.001-08:00

i feel like im being left to hang high and dry.

i understand that im 22 but you can't just stop helping me. without my notice. especially when you can clearly see that i need youre help. my parents are hurting me. time after time again.

ugh...

ps. im still stressed out

my bae is sad and theres nothing i can do to help him.

all i really need is a hug

a.may.zhing.

2010-01-08T16:41:00.000-08:00

went to the club at 10.46.

left at 2.

got home at 3.

i slept for 3 hours.

woke up at 6.

got to work by 7.48.

went to lunch at 2.

slept till 3.02.

got off work at 5.58

i worked for 9 hours

and didn't die.

amayzhing.

why i remember all these damn numbers.

who knows.

bittersweet.

2010-01-03T12:10:00.001-08:00

i def didn't expect my birthday to end the way it did.

but im praying for his family.

my bae is the best.

i appreciate all the gifts and warm wishes i received from my best friends. friends. and family.

ive completely lost it all.

2009-12-25T21:21:00.000-08:00

glitter. gold. & pearls.

2009-12-20T18:34:00.000-08:00

so since my pic blog's latest entry was about christmas.

i wanna keep that fresh for a while.

so heres my random pic blog here.

lol:

only 1 thing. id put minnie in a pink bow.

glitter runs in my veins betch.

but im just as darling as i wanna be.

before i die. i must have these. glitter&gold.

[shoegasm]

ive been wanting these 7000 snakeskin heels for 3 years now.

i need out this damn house. ive been stuck since friday.

snow on a saturday!

2009-12-19T16:42:00.003-08:00

its been snowing since last night.

this morning @10am. i was awaken by my dad to help shovel snow.

only thing. it was still snowing.

so we were getting absolutely no where with progress.

thats my brother being buried as he was shoveling.

and there's my poor baby. Farren.

stuck in the snow.

its now 754pm. and it looks like this

can't even see my car can you?

*** in my world***

im kinda. no i take that back. extremely blown that i couldn't go to new york today.

it wouldve been cute to be snowed in. in nyc. with the boo. lol.

but i guess i have to wait until tuesday for hims to come home. =(

***moving on***

ive been snowed in all day. with no food.

i wanna make chocolate covered strawberries. but theres no supplies.

i wanna bake a cake. no ingredients.

i wanna cook breakfast. but we only have flour. =(

what the heck!

thankfully the parental made sphuuughetti. yum.

ps. twitter has been wayyyyy over capacity today. everybody and they mother was tweeting today. im surprised it didn't go out of order like it does everyother day.

now im watching the wizard of oz. oh what fun. =)

imma sucker for musicals. and with movies that have deeper meanings. i love figuring them out. => didn't know the wizard of oz was a satirical political cartoon huh? well it is!!! i love it. lol

i wish my besties were here. man we'd be having some kinda fun.

making alcoholic snow slushies. playing dj & guitar hero. and eating!!!

ah well. lol.

i wish i had some arts&crafts to do. man that would be fun right now.

bonus

2009-12-18T19:47:00.000-08:00

man oh man.

im praying that my christmas bonus looks nice.

im praying that some of my kid's parents slide us some extra something.

im praying that the money i get from christmas & my birthday helps me get back to a comfortable state of living. [cuz these last few bill have put me on a biggggg budget]

i KNOW that my next paycheck on wednesday will look b-e-a-utiful. cuz of all the overtime ive been putting in. almost everyday.

p.s its snowing out!!!!

p.s.s you stalk me too much. damn i didn't even say anything really. sometimes the big sis. is too much of a big sis.

p.s.s.s i wanna go to new york!

a break.

2009-12-14T18:21:00.001-08:00

finally i can live my life again.

no more dance until after the birthday!!!! yaaayyyy

3 whole weeks tho. lol

anyways. our show on sunday went great.

**ambychun** is the bestest.

alll im about to do is put in some major overtime and get that paper. thats all thats on my mind.

random note.

2 calls.

1 txt.

that should be it!! lol

im so horrible.

4.41am

2009-12-08T01:39:00.000-08:00

so im up. went to bed wayy too early last night.

and here i am awake. can't go back to bed.

i have aLOt of my mind this early morning.

1st thought. take a shower. lol. i feel yucky. but i will after this post goes up.

2nd. him. i want him here. i need his 'everything-will-be-alright' hug. they come in handy. i hate not having a phone. he's not readily available. this calling him from random numbers isnt working out. i cant wait till tonight to get my phone.

3rd. him again. i have so much faith in us it scares me. i saw something today that threw me thru a loop. im afraid. i hope the fear wears off. im giving my all in this. i hope mr.orr is doing the same.

4th. my mom made me soooo mad on saturday. i honestly dont know the next time i will speak to her. nor do i worry about the next time i will speak to her. ive never been so disappointed in an action from her in my life.

5th. my mind is going bizzerk over this school thing. im loosing it. because of my car. im only able to go to school online. therefore, i need to go to a school that offers online classes. however. not too many online classes are offered in my major. which brings me to my next thought.

6th. do i need to change my major? ahhh. too many decisions!

7th. i miss my iphone. i cant believe i let this lil nig get away with stealing my phone. out my damn coat pocket. i shouldve beat that girls ash. lol. but im better than that. annnd she was way too scared of me. that wouldnt have been fair.

8th. my job is beginning to wear me thin.

9th. dance is beginning to wear me thin. [yeah i wish i was getting skinny]

10th. i wish i could go back to sleep. who knows the next time im gonna get alot of sleep like this.

11th. this headache wont go away. ive popped some aspirin and ive been sleep since 7pm. what thee heck?

12th. i swear if i dont become pink soon. im going to scream. i hate reds. i cant wait to make them jealous.

13th. im gonna work my butt off until i get my money back up. for some reason ive spent it all. i have no clue as to wear it went honestly. just a month ago. i was sitting pretty buying uggs and what not. now im hurting and waiting for payday to come. just to pay off bills and such. car note. car insurance. expenditures for my car. christmas gifts. etc. what in the world am i gonna do.

14th. my life was looking up. and in an weekend. it all came crashing down. i was smiling. genuinely. and people were actually taking notice of that.... now the same people are crying because i look so sad i made them feel bad for me.

15th. if it wasnt for bdette and javona last saturday idk what i wouldve done to that girl. she literally had to pull me off that biish. and i never screamed so loud in fear for a friend getting hurt in my life. [fukyoungmoney]

16th. ohkay im done venting. my three readers thanks for reading. even if it did nothing for your life. it made me feel better. that you listened. [or read] lol.

codeine

2009-11-11T08:43:00.000-08:00

mann. am i sick.

i hate being sick. and out of all weeks to be sick. the week of *ambychun*'s first performance. on saturday. im over here congested and weak. ahhh!

dear lord baby jesus. please give me strength.

anyways. today im off work. veteran's day [hug a soldier] lovely federal workers off for a federal holiday. =)

i have much needed errands to run and such. i also need to clean my car. idk how i will do so because its raining. ah well. anyways. im off to get my day started...

*if i can get off the phone*

lol

but i like it. so ahwell.

retail therapy.

2009-11-05T20:00:00.000-08:00

since i bought Farren.

i don't remember the last time i shopped.

mannn i dropped a boat load oh mulah some uggs. && some betsey. in literally 30 mintues.

and i still left unsatisfied. i had my eye on this gold katespade purse. ugh. i almost had a pursegasm when i saw that thing. but then i thought about how much i just spent. and bills i had to pay. so i forced myself out the door.

i also made a plan to get to the store @ 8.30 purposely knowing the store was closing @ 9.30

smart move pocah. smart moves.

anyways.

i need more betsey in my life... since the boyfriend. [yea i said boyfriend] broke my last bracelet. months ago.

*because only in my mind was i ever broken up* and nothing was ever actually said about being single. lmao.

>>digressing<<

i also need some more shoes in my life....

man wheres daddy warbucks when you need em

Friends? ehh.

2009-11-01T09:55:00.000-08:00

so to make a long story short. i lost a friend yesterday. nothing sad. but shes just not my friend anymore.

honestly i still have no clue what happened. all i know is that she stopped showing effort in our friendship after a fight months ago. i tried to reach out from time to time. but nothing prevailed. i found out she was talking about me even tho i was still reaching out to her. i finally got fed up...

anyways. this weekend was ohkay. gotta new buddy in my life. j0y. shes so cool. lol. i love her. i have a friend at home i can go see the clouds with now.... since all my others are in nyc.

halloween was cool. took my kids treat or treating. in the rain. but i got good candy.

things with boo are good. =)

um thats pretty much it.

i need more money. but what new. lol

so um. yeah.

2009-10-26T20:18:00.000-07:00

///we gotta make it work\\\

anyways.

ive got a tough decision to make.

as my 3 readers already know. im am not in school. taking a break. not by choice. financial reasons. this is my 3rd semester off. and im dying.

i miss school. alot. i miss waking up. not getting dressed. and going to class. i miss not working. i miss sleeping damn near all day. i miss the parties. i miss the campus life. i miss the FREE GYM. i miss crying cuz i can't finish a paper. i miss partying my life away and getting up an hour later for class. i miss hearing hey girl. i miss being known as the filipino girl on soul. ahhh.

the only way i can return to school is of 2 ways.

1.my mom pay off my debt so i can continue my studies. or possibly recieve my transcripts to transfer.

2.my dad pay for me to go to another school. and i START OVER. as a FRESHMAN!!!

i would love to wait for my mom to take care of my $$$ issues. but its been 3 semesters. a year and a half. im supposed to be graduating this year. but im not!!! ive come to realize that i have no CLUE when that debt will be paid.

so do i just take one for the team. start over and let my dad pay it? with him paying. i will be worry free. and bills will be paid on time. but starting over and going to a new school is the part that gets me.granted im already 2 years behind. i dont wanna be 4 years forreal forreal. i still kinda have to go to graduate school!

ps.... i need a better paying job. i mean i love where i work and all but they are def not paying me enough for everything i go thru. deal with. and do....

crossroads.

2009-10-15T17:38:00.001-07:00

it sounds so good when youre talkin to me.

&&i find myself believing too.

after im down from my high.

i start to wonder.

should i even be still listening???

this.is.mee.

2009-10-05T19:40:00.000-07:00

brytni.alix. or

alwaysgold. for short.

im sweet & i try to be to the point. i laugh. i cry. i smile. mostly smile. even when i feel like crying. i live in fortwash. but i always tell ppl im from suitland. i was there for 16 out of my 21 years of living. might as well rep it. i love my fam[ily]. they are the worst/best thing in my life. im always there for them. id do anything for my sissy.cherish. as well as my other 2 sissy's brya & ayalah. and my lil bruva romelo. my best friends. they're my life.jasmine. brittany. chavall. javona. bernadette. janine. rhamie. darlisa. my fake.lil sisters. franny. donne. dani. niki. i love them all. i love to dance. ive been in love with the spotlight since i was 4. ive been kicked out of ballet class twice. && i lost count how many times i faked sicke to skipp ballet. modern&hiphop is my life. music speaks to me. in every way possible. im half black and half filipino [for short] im mixed with so much isht. im a mut. i love filipino food. =) i wish i knew how to speak tagalog. p.s im gladd my tita doesn't live in manila right now. i have a love life. but its slowly going downhill. i can cry at the drop of a hat. im very emotional. but a hug and a smile from the one i love the most can make me feel better. ive been in love with this one guy for 3 years. but everybody knows hes doing me wrong. but at the same time he keeps trying to stay and make me feel like we're gonna work out. so now im fighting with myself to stay[or]go. im addicted to shopping. retail therapy. i can get in my car and drive for hours if i wanted to. i wanna live on a beach. and forget about my problems. im taking a break from school. not by choice. its grinding season. and im determined to graduate. im also determined to end up my favorite color. anyways. i love to sing. i can block out the world if i really wanted to. if i ever lost my phone i would cry. ive done it before. and i did. did i mention im 21 years old? kids are kind of my thing. however im not ready to have my own. i just call everyone else's mine. i wanna move to new york.&& then to cali. i have big dreams. and i just wanna live them. and if i can't. all i wanna do is get high&flyy away. i am the biggest snoop ever. i can find out anything. nothing gets past me. you may think i dont know. but im just playing along. imma sucker for cuddling & holding hands. i want somebody to spend all their time with me. thats how yhu prove yhu really want to be with me in my opinion. making time for someone is the biggest sign that yhu wanna be there. i have a thing for photography. lately ive lost my inspiration. but it'll come back soon. i have faith. i dont go to church as often as i should. but i pray aLLL the time.

i could go on forever. but i doubt anybody will ever read.

this is me.

love me for who i am.

or leave.

lady love

2009-10-05T19:11:00.001-07:00

so today is the first time im ever listening to letoya's cd lady love.

that whole cd.

speaks to me.

forreal.

every song feels like she knows me. like we sat down and i poured all my feelings out. and she made my life at the moment an album.

this will def be on repeat for a while.

i love yhu so much.

but its not about yhu.

its about what yhu put me thru.

who knew love would be so draining.

im tired of loving yhu.

i dont feel like loving yhu nomore.

motivation for me..

2009-10-03T08:12:00.001-07:00

is them telling me what i could not be.

oh well.

im determined to end up better off. in every way.

work is going a little better. ill be teaching in some weeks coming. im not just the girl you call when you dont feel like changing diapers anymore. lol.

i love farran. she gets me everywhere. i never want to get out the damn car sometimes.

however it would be nice if my uncle bought baby already cuz i need some mulah baybee.

i have no clue what im doing in my love life. im happy. but at the same time. if i don't get over this. its going to go no where but even more downhill...

but um. its the weekend biish. im livin it up.

stuck.

2009-09-30T18:16:00.001-07:00

i just wanted to say how much i love my girls....

no matter what.

we always come back to each other.

sLh. fa06. my girls for life.

i feel like im gonna be here for a while....

about yhu know who.

"music is ur isht."

2009-09-27T07:40:00.000-07:00

spend a day with me and you'll figure out my passion. music.

my buddy therm watched me listen to my ipod for 30 minutes and figured out my life. lol.

anyways.

life is life.

complicated.

what's new?

"telling yu she wasn't when she was now we arguing.

but baby. i love yhu"

UGH!!!!

in my case this is actually the truth.

don't give me the world. buy me isht. spend aLL your time with me. and then have somebody else in the wings.

idk what to do.

jus pray. and believe things will get better. in every way.

plz

2009-09-22T18:10:00.001-07:00

plz dont try to switch this ish up.

&& blame it on me....

that wont fly.

in[too]deep.

2009-09-21T16:26:00.001-07:00

i feel like im wayyy in above my head.

i have no clue how to stop it.

im already in there.

physically.

mentally.

emotionally.

but the sad thing.

part of me still wants to be here.

"don't let no nigga treat you badly off some 'love' "

-franny.cakes.

[i love her]

love is blind.

2009-09-17T17:23:00.000-07:00

why don't i have enough strength to completely walk away.

i half step. and act sooo done & thru with it all & gone.

then i creep back to where i was.

i feel like im happy there. even tho it hurts sometimes. reallly bad tho times too.

then those times i hurt. it just feel likes stabbing the same wound after it started to heal.

re-tattooing a tattoo that hasn't healed yet.

painting over a nail that's not dry.

downloading that one song that hasn't left your head in weeks only to find out the it only downloaded half the song...

yea....thats how i feel.

but i keep picking up the phone.

i keep visiting.

i keep talking.

i keep letting him make me smile.

and i feel like maybe. maybe this time it'll be okay.

granted we've only broken up twice.

goddamn im confused as hell.

no cut cards

2009-09-13T07:01:00.000-07:00

so since thursday someone's been trying to get back on my good side.

it took me 3 days of missed calls to finally pick up the phone.

&&& i pretty much realized that.

can't live with him. can't live without him.

love.myself.more.

lets hear ur speech.

2009-09-09T20:00:00.000-07:00

so im not as sad as i thought i was gonna be.

guess that means im fed up this time. lol

anyways.

my new car. [pics coming soon]

her name is Farran {fairen]

it means grey.

2010 vw jetta.

im in love with her.

i went from a toyota to a vw ... the asain in me never stopps. lol

but um yea.

im coolin.

miss on my own.

miss baddallbymyself.

i think i love it.

yea...so. this weekend i get my tints & tattoo #2.

new hair. ditched the boo. new car. new tatt.

i think this was all perfect time.

haha.

love.myself.more.than.anybody.else.

lessonlearned.

2009-09-06T07:25:00.001-07:00

slowly getting over it. i mean him.

ill always have those memories. the good ones.

but i gotta gotta gotta move on.

and this time.

this time.

i mean it.

it was tooo good to be true.

i never saw it.

i mean her.

coming.

back.

ugh.....

im gonna stay busy for the rest of my life.

just till i get my mind off of him.

&& [praying] i dont ever. backtrack. again.

*dreaming of ways to throw it all away-JohnMayer*

i learned my lesson giving second chances.

even if i did love him with my everything.

ill proly still love him for a while. but i will never go back.

baby yhu lost a damn good one.

you were a dog.

now im heartless.

wasted.

2009-09-05T05:24:00.000-07:00

3 years of my life that is....wasted.

but instead of feeling like i couldve been doing something better. ill just take it as a lesson learned.

i loved him. thru thick and thin. i was there. i held him down.

but giving your everything isn't enough these days.

but im officially done moping around. and im done crying.

and im good.

have a blessed one. cuz im gonna find somebody who cares wayyy more than he did.

summer is over.

2009-08-27T16:55:00.000-07:00

ugh.

work. crazy.

i need a new job.

i feel blah.

papi's leaving soon. but um. he'll def be back in two weeks. lol.

i do this every year. i cry. help him pack. then i see him 2 weeks later. lol

anyways. partying this weekend. cuz idk when ill do that again. everybody's going back to school.

i need a new car. and daddy wont let me get a new one o_0 blown.

um.

im done.

this may not mean nothin to yall.

but understand nothin was done for me.

i want this shit forever. mane. forever.

stay a lil while longer.

2009-08-17T20:53:00.000-07:00

...:sigh:...

school's starting soon. he's going away. praying things won't go the way they did last fall. they won't. we've gotten alllot stronger. i trust. and i love. him.

baby baby yhu my everything. yhu all i ever wanted.

i have my friends back. [happy face]

i want a new car. i need a new car. i found a new car. i hope daddy helps me out. but we all know how that can go.

ugh. im not feeling well today. ive been sick for the past 24 hours. i feel horrible.

not doing too well with the job at the moment. alot of things are starting to go wrong. praying i get thru it.

now back to whats been on my mind for the past couple of weeks

"they say oh you graduated. naw [my parents] decided i was finished" -kanye.w

exploring life.

2009-08-12T19:43:00.001-07:00

im trying to figure out what this life is really all about.

its confusing me right now.

i have absolutely no clue what to do. && how to handle.

all i have is my faith. my passion. && my love.

but anyways.

"oh you graduated from college. naw [my parents] decided i was finished." -kanye w.

i feel loved. && unloved.

2009-07-25T13:19:00.000-07:00

mannn yesterday was a killer for me. the moodiest ive ever been in my entire of life of being a 'women' .

[hello im mother nature with your monthly gift...i hate that commercial]

back to chillen in my bed...

2 straight weeks of overtime. and they askin for another week. annnnd i have a show next saturday. so that means maddd practice. im gonna be some type of tired by next sunday. im def gonna need at least a day off. or two. restin up all i can today.

sry for the delay.

2009-07-18T21:23:00.000-07:00

its been a while.

sorry ive been so busy. i haven't had time to think lately!

-work. killing me. all this overtime im puttin in. but that paycheck does look mighty nice.

-friends. ehhh. rough times. rough times. i really dont wanna get into it. but i hope that one day it can all come together.

-boyfriend. lovely. it keeps getting better.

-family. moms went to florida for a week and a half. wish i could've went. but my job wouldn't let me. [damn kids and them needing my care cuz too many other teachers are already out]

"im starting to think your step mom just dont fuk with you anymore"[lls. thanks lin]

but im starting to think that too. she's just been doing some stuff that i think is just horrible.

won't get into details. cuz she just sucks overall. and my dad needs to keep his hospital visits to a minimum. twice in one summer is enough for this daddy's girl to handle.

-school. so ive come to the realization that im not going back to towson. [if i haven't said it already] but i just don't see it happening. and my grimy step mom won't let my dad pay for it. so i must suffer for my mom's financial mishap.

-dance. yes i said dance. it has finally re-entered my life. and im so ecstatic about it. i could toetouch for joy right now. but i wont. im in the bed. lol. anyways. ive joined a dance company. and they're just getting off the ground. they have the potential to be so big. and im ready to be apart of it. there's only like 7 of us right now. but each person has so much to bring to the table im ready to see where this is gonna take me. our first show is saturday!!! im so excited.

welp.

i def need to come back to blogger. i have so many random things to say during the day but i can't say them on here cuz im at work. i need to get some more energy so i can write about stuff when i get home.

i wanna be that person that has more than just their life drama to say on a blog. like i used to.

i want interesting things on here. [noticed i just went on myself #onthelow. and said my life wasn't interesting] LOL.

anyways. ttfn.

peace. love. happiness. betch.

2009-07-05T20:19:00.001-07:00

its time for me to spread my wingsss.

and flyyyyyy.

from here?? ... idk

2009-06-29T18:53:00.001-07:00

so where do we go?

i feel lost. the one thing that ive known to always be there for the past 3 years is now gone. my friendship...or should i say the girls i looked at as my sisters. we fell apart.

not gonna get into details but um...

alot of things were said. secrets were kept. lies were told. boys were liked. and somehow. somehow we made all that more important than our friendship. our made up sisterhood.

idk where to go from here. ive talked to all of them and we all have the same conclusion.

we don't know what to do.

i also thought about if we do get thru this. and we become friends again. things will def be different. so whats the point of having it?

i just recently went thru this with me and my boyfriend. there were alot of reasons to leave. and there were alot of reasons to stay. we knew that when we got back together things would be different but it was up to us to make it different for the better. not the worse.

so if me and made got thru. and we're great now. then me and girls can work something out.

the question is. when will we work it out..

omf.

2009-06-28T08:29:00.000-07:00

whatttt?!?!

the king of pop. mj. michael jackson. dead!?! i can't believe it.

man if it wasn't for him. my dad would've never learned to dance. my dad would've never taught me. dance wouldn't be my life. i wouln't the person i am today. wow.

if it wasn't for him. mtv would be different. there would be no usher. no ne-yo. REAL dancers wouldn't be in music videos. dance would be different as a whole. [yea i said it]

rip mj. you will be missed.

rip ed mcmahon.

rip farrah fawcett.

rip billy mays.

rip the metro 9.

anyways. living for me is going alot better than i planned. went out with some a friend on friday. it was really nice. i miss that.

saturday was my sissy's 14th bday. i took her to the mall to meet up with her friends. out to eat. i love her alot. and honestly all i want is for her to have somebody there for her when our parents are giving hell like there was somebody there for me [i love my step mom for that]. me&her have one hell of a broken home. so i will stop at nothing to make her happy.

random. but ive been told i have a forgiving heart. i swear thats my blessing and my curse. im like that with everyone in my life...ugh.

lol. no mam.

2009-06-23T19:27:00.000-07:00

i dont feel like it.

so come august i may not have a job. im facing getting laid off...wtf. im only 21! lol

anyways i won't get into the details cuz....thats my job. not yours.

me&my mom. there is not patching up this wound. this time. this time. this last effing time. she went wayyyyy too deep. it took papi to make me realize that i really just need to stop trying. leave it alone. even if she is my mommy. the woman who birthed me. the woman that id die for. shes done me way too dirty to keep forgiving. no matter how bad i want to.

i love love. and this time nothings gonna take that away. period.

it feels different. it feels better. it feels right.

>>>random<<<

as im typing this. a commercial for a new show comes on. tiny&toya. wtf. ti's wife. and wayne's ex wife gonna have a show. OMF.

*continuing on*

i had a looong talk with my step mom.

and i really need to listen to her more often.

when i grow up im tryna be like her.

good husband [my daddy]. good kids. a lexus. a benz. bomb job. got mulah for days.

yea...and the only way to get there is to be focused.

not worrying about if youre phone is ringing. who wanna be youre friend and who don't. if you worry about that then youll get no where. only worry about those who actually worry about you. and focus on what you need to do to get better. and itll be all good.

yup. thats what im on.

change.

2009-06-19T23:04:00.000-07:00

it must come.

and im starting to be okay with it.

im happy where i am now.

with yhu.

i wish me&mygirls would change and get back together tho.

but i gotta feeling its gonna take a miracle for that to happen.

sick with sinuses.

2009-06-07T08:20:00.000-07:00

sitting in the house. comfy in my bed. craving cheeseburgers but i know i can only stomach oatmeal. ugh. my throat hurts. my nose is stuffed.

sorry i haven't been updating lately. just haven't had the strength to do it.

so **updates**

-my lil sis graduated from mt.calvary catholic school. omg. she was the first class to graduated from our newest pre-k addition to the school. every year when the 8th graders have their ceremony they ask all the children who have been there since kindergarten to stand up. when i stood up. i thought that was accomplishment. but my sis was the first class to survive all 10 years. damn. now shes going to mcnamara. ugh im def going to buy a shot gun.

-my friends & i .... we're weird. its like whenever i go out with them the first thing i ask is if the boys are coming. i hate being left out. or lonely. its def complicated.

-me & the boyfriend are doing alot better. im glad things are looking up. we've been down a loooong ass road. and just when i wanted to give up [for the last time lol] we finally made things work out. me and booski got a lot ahead of us.

-my mom is still killing me. nuff said.

anyways im off to find some food. im wayy to sick and hungry. gotta go.

ahhh. =/

2009-05-30T14:50:00.000-07:00

its summer time.

wtf am i doing with my life.

lol

best i ever had.

2009-05-21T16:51:00.000-07:00

funny how that song will not get old.

no matter how many times my phone rings that a day.

even tho i heard that song 5 months b4 anybody even knew who drake was.

even tho yhur ALWAYS singing it. for no reason.

even tho every time i get in the car after work its on the radio...

anywho. tomorrow is friday. 3 day weekend coming up. kinda excited. however i have no idea what im doing this weekend. work is good. money is looking real nice. friends are getting better. sad to say but im distancing myself from my closest. but i think it needs to be done. besties have bad times too. LOL i think its funny as hell but it sucks at the same time that your mom is doing you like that [insider]. getting happier and happier everyday. my parents told me we remind them of a younger them.[if that even came out right] ...... oh che che. what am i gonna do with my littls sis. im scared for high school. but its a process. i need to invest in a shot gun. NO LIE. um thats about it. my life is kinda okay at the moment. just blown/confused about my school situation. just waiting for a decision to be made. ugh. but i do know one thing. i DEF need to be back in towson FA 09....for more than one reason...

peace.love.happiness.betch.

2009-05-15T18:56:00.000-07:00

i have forgiven. but i dont think ill ever forget.

but now together we can move on from it. and we'll be better.

it already feels better.

been all smiles lately. and i also haven't been having time for bull. im happy again why mess that up with something else? ugh.

so im coolin.

chillin with the fam this weekend. maybe a couple pics will come sunday or monday [no promises tho]

blah.

2009-05-13T17:08:00.001-07:00

man am i bored. i could clean my room. do my laundry. and my hair. but i choose not to. lol. im nice snuggly and shower fresh in my bed. and i dont wanna get out. ugh. this job kills my body. like forreal.

anyways. im confused on my friends. i really dont feel like going thru this again. please lets not start. cuz this time around i dont feel like putting in work to patch shit up.

the boo came home. and then left again. come back. i miss yhu. p.s yhu owe me!!!

ummm. im sooo broke. friday needs to get here like asap. for numerous reasons. one i need that mulah baby. two im tired of working. and threee i wanna party.

anyways i need to force myself to get up. i need my clothes back. lol

but apparently im dirty. so ill just pull my clothes out the hamper and hang them back up. lmao [insider]

tact

2009-05-11T19:54:00.001-07:00

so i swore there was this thing called tact. or better yet secrets.

wtf would you say something said amongst your girls to someone else. who is known to say something to others. we're 21. i swore we were past that. and it wasn't even that serious.

WTF.

real friends. how many of us have them.

my number or real joints are def dwindling down.

thank god im not a mommys day.

2009-05-10T14:40:00.000-07:00

wtf happened last night?

so SlH is doing it up at love. as usual. doing what pretty girls do. with a table. have a great time. with some old friends. some friends we call brothers. and some friends we just call friends to be nice. lol. anyways it was Js bday celebration so nobody was really starting anything.

the night was going along fine. till someone [who will be named unnamed] gave the bday girl too Too TOO much to drink. detox room was the first stop for her. the second was PG. [hospital] WTF. def added onto one of the scariest moments in my life. but once again. i couldn't have gone thru it with any other people except my girls. continuing on. parents arrive. me & my girls get blamed. when in all reality we were responsible enough to take her to pg.

im not gonna keep gettting into. cuz imma be typing for a while. but yea. thankfully she is now at home. with a baddass hangover. but she is okay.

anyways. besides that. my life is getting back on track. but right now i gotta go. helping the boo do a paper. and then i wanna get outside and do something with my life. but theres nothing to do. we're not celebrating mommy's day so much at home. my real mom is in the bed chillen. my step mom is in the bed chillin. my daddy hasn't mentioned anything cuz this is his 4th mommy's day without his mommy. sooo ummm.....yea we aint doing nothing. lol.

i miss you grandma.

& happy mommy's day to all the mommy's out there.

and if you not a mommy. [read my title]

psa

2009-05-09T06:30:00.000-07:00

there is no proper way to just "talk" to a boy...

my girls were "talking" to these dudes for about 2 months now...spend all their time with them etc. now they just acting reallll shiesty. wtf. and there's no excuse cuz since they're all just 'talking' they can tell the truth right? wrong. boys think its easier to lie to girls when in all reality they should just tell the truth. TRUST ME when i say. we'll handle it alot better than you think. when the truth is put out on the table. girls handle it differently. we dont feel the need to bust the windows out your car. we stay cool about it and walk away or deal with the situation accordingly. ugh. anyways....

my love life is doing better. =). i think. lol.

friends?

2009-05-07T16:30:00.000-07:00

so lately my girls and i have been awkward. well not all of us. but the one who actually reads this knows who im talking about. i hate how we can't just all be happy. together. other people are added to the SlH equation. and that causes problems. NOT saying that the 'others' im talking about are a bad thing. cuz all 4 of us have an 'other' but the other shouldn't come before your girls. esp since we were here first. but anyways....

.i miss my nicole. she was my heart. but then something happened. idk. maybe it was my fault. maybe it was hers. shes still my girl. thats my right hand. BUT we're def not as close as we used to be.

.i love my goofy goober. shes so much like me. and i think we didn't even realize that till like a couple months ago. i can talk to her about any and everything and she can do the same with me. idk what else to say but i love her. like alot.

.my new bff vonapoo is so cool. shes a good listener and we can relate to each like shit.

.i miss my wifey dar! she's in india. and i want her back in DC....now....

ok. im off now. im wayyy to ready for tomorrow night. and saturday night...basically this weekend. partyin it up for javona's 21st.

sLh. lets do it right this weekend. please. no awkwardness. just drunkeness.

2009-05-06T19:52:00.000-07:00

i wanna be the future. and the present...forget about what happened in the past.

i wanna be happy. all the time.

i wanna live it up with my girls.

i wanna stay in love.

i wanna never go broke.

i wanna have the best summer possible.

i wanna live like this forever.

the way things are going. just might be a good thing for me. almost all aspects of my life are looking up. well just friends, him, and my bank account. lol. i guess thats alot of my life. im still working on the rest.

soo...

2009-05-02T22:13:00.000-07:00

im getting to the point where i dont think things can get any better...

.idk how im feeling. so stuck in complacent. i have no desire to leave my situation. or stay here...i just dont care about it anymore.

.i feel like hes drowning and hes holding me down there with him. i want to save him. but i need to save myself. first. but as i begin to save myself. i start to contemplate even going back for him. but i want to help him. so bad. at one point he was basically my everything. but him being confused with his ownself isnt helping me so what am i to do...im at a crossroads. cuz there's nothing i can do but walk away. but at the same time i dont want to wander off too far...

.i hate how im not in school. and i have no clue where or if ill be attending school in the fall. my heart is at towson. future obligations are at towson. i dont want to be anywhere else. but my dad is making offers for me to go to bowie. ugh.

.my family is killing me!! everytime we're together i feel like its the brytni hour. and everybody takes turns in telling me how i need to run my life. but little do they know they're the ones running my life. honestly. theyre not making any situation any better.

.i need to save up some money and just get away. live by myself. maybe something with my friends. an apartment.maybe.

wtf.

im done ranting. im too sleepy to continue. if i did. id just be writing in circles...

latelyy.

2009-04-29T19:15:00.000-07:00

i wish i knew what was going on this head of mines....

she likes pictures too.

2009-04-28T16:49:00.000-07:00

just wondering if anybody looks at my picture blog....

that is all.

be back later. if blogging strikes my fancy tonight.

http://ag0ldpics.blogspot.com/

.....so

im bored. watching tv. the phone is a good show. i wish they would call me forreal. lol.

anyways. its nice and hot outside. but im kinda sad that its gonna rain tomorrow. i hate the rain. ugh. today was just a normal day i must say. free lunch made me kinda happy tho. payday is thursday so im getting excited. cuz i need some mulah baby. i need to go to miami for my long lost besties 21st bday. even tho its only for a weekend i would horrible if i missed it.

but um yea. off to find more pictures. go there too!

the weekend[er]

2009-04-27T16:26:00.000-07:00

recap of my past few days...

friday. got off work. went out with the fam to celebrate my lil sis's 10th bday. somebody went away...attempted to go see the besties. but was given the wrong communication so i stayed home & went to bed. gotta call 1am from my drunken wifey telling me i shouldve came over...went back to sleep. got a couple calls that day from someone surprisingly.

saturday. went to the mall with javona. later chilled with j. bri. 'pooh' [as bri calls him] && dikebroad. [lol] got ready for towson. had an emotional breakdown on the ride there. got to towson. went to the oil spill with my sLh. apparently i lost cool points for yelling out the car during our 'entrance', but i didn't care. i was excited to be back where i belong. had too much fun. got a lil irritated with the ex bf that was there but i got over it after i gotta txt somebody. went to the harbor. watched these ghetto bmore joints get arrested. went back to jasmine's for the nightcap.

sunday. went to ihop with our brother leon. went to the car show to meet up with my new brothers clint. greg. tafari. & some others i forgot. lol [sorry]. went back to j's fell asleep and the went home. i realized that i missed my youngin so i helped him write a paper and then went to sleep.

monday. went to work. was extremely tired. got off and now im here. lol.

my weekend was fun. i know i kept mentioning somebody calling me all weekend. but its cuz i was actually surprised they thought about me as much as they did. especially because they were away at another school...ehh. anyways. yea. it kinda made me smile. i feel a little better about the weird & completely pointless situation. anyways. right now im just stuck in complacent. im not happy. but im not sad. ehh.

i just want next weekend here. now.

ehh?

2009-04-23T17:23:00.000-07:00

whats going on in the world today?

i swear dudes be on some other ish. and this time im not even talking about me. lol
its cool tho. my girls had my back and imma be right here for them. love you hoes.

this weekend is gonna be so much fun. can't wait. im really tryna do the beach. but idk how thats gonna work when we've been planning to go to the oil spil..ehh. lol

so me and my guy[s] situation just gets funnier and funnier. im not gonna go into it. but just know my 3 readers...that this time around. im playing the game too.

spongebob is the shit. lol.

i wonder if its me or does everybody feel like they lose so much money before they get their first paycheck at a new job? lol. i feel like that...idk how im gonna make it to next week.

i wish night time was longer cuz im always feeling like crap in the morning... OH and at nap time. im falling asleep right along with the kiddies. no good. lol

anyways i gotta go.
ttyl. my eyeslids are slowly closing.

\/ ♥ && =) randomz [#9]

2009-04-21T17:47:00.001-07:00

so my new job makes me smile. i haven't been this stress free and happy in a while.

p.s my bestie works down the street from me. lunch tomorrow biish!

"i like her but i love you"....yea ok...whatever. hit me up when its just me.

im in love with keri hilson & ryan leslie. they should make an entire cd together. id never listen to anything else...well maybe lol

im def not missing olive garden...just a the people there that made working the hardest business fun.

[tashie, annie, dennis, joe, candice, randy, mike, jessy, kawana, kenneth, kyle,ty, nina amy, emily, marcell, bernard, matt, tiff, carlos, justin, jojo, diane, travis, neal, & zach]

theres like 75 servers at that damn place and only a handful made me sad to leave.

so yesterday i smelled like paint leaving working with the 3 year olds. today i left smelling like milk && babylove working with the infants...omg

at least i dont smell like breadsticks

this weekend is gonna be so fun...i hope! its gonna be hot as shit outside. my entire weekend better be filled with things to do..

i want a new car.

"you can keep feeling yourself. imma be with somebody else" - keri hilson.

the song gibberish makes me think about ......... =)

unfortunately i wont state his name cuz im not speaking to him anymore...ugh =(

you blow my life you boy. you try for 3 years to get me. i finally give you time of day and then you dont want to accept it. eff you sir. eff you. lol

spongebob & penguins of madagascar are the shit...if you didn't know. better get on it.

nicki menaj is my bitch. i effing love her. us half black half asains gotta stick together.

OMG. gibberish just came on my shuffle.

i can't wait to get that paycheck next week!

im trying to make a long asss entry for no reason....or maybe so brittany can have something to read! =)

i HATE how my job gets no service. unless im standing by the window in the big play room or we taking the kids outside to the playground. WTF. well im glad its hot outside now so we going to the playground every effing day!

p.s thank god the playground is outside but its under this roof thing...its big as shit. [govt buildings with no limit on $$$] i hate the sun....i hate sweating. lol

have fun in atlanta this weekend. lmao.

i def need to buy some cute smocks to wear to work cuz i will not have these children mess up my cute shirts.

im so blown that yesterday i was so tired from work that i missed all my shows....i hope i find a rerun or something tonight.

i think its funny how these random guys are coming out the woodwork. im not interested in any but wow. if you dont know i have major insecurities. i guess im badder than i thought.

im thinking about deleting my facebook. but then i take it back every time i go to press the button.

ugh. i wish my itunes would organize itself on this damn mac. i swear im not getting another laptop until this one breaks. im not going thru this again!

i wanna new car...but then i think about riding baby until the mafukin wheels fall off...then i remember how much i despise any shade of red and baby is burgundy. tough decision...

you lose money chasin niggas but you never lose niggas chasin money. i swear the next boo i get that i actually like enough to buy something for...imma think about it first. and second. and third.

javona is a neo. lol....fake ass sorority. SlH. sike naw i love my besties/sisters/sorors/biishes/best thing to ever happen to me.

i didn't realize how much i hated & loved the metro when i got on the bus and the seats were plush and comfortable! steppin up DC

anyways. its getting late. time to hit the hay. gotta go to sleep a lot earlier than i used to.

2009-04-19T19:13:00.001-07:00

im finding myself pushing any and almost every body away cuz i dont have time for what i believe is foolishness.

i dont want to be bothered thinking they are going to do what you did. or something like it.

i don't want to get heartbroken again.

unless somehow i come across a case of amnesia - cherish.

randomz [#8]

2009-04-16T21:40:00.000-07:00

~ listening to asher roth's new cd. 2 words: good shidd. its not supposed to come out till 4.20. but im celebrating early. lol

~ so ive realized that spring summer winter fall. i must have a heater in my room. my room has to be a little warmer than room temp. so i can prance around freely in a tshirt and boyshorts.

~ a good friend gave me some good advice today. i feel alot better about whats going on in my life. i know that in time ill be all good.

~ i start my new job on monday!!! ill be working at a daycare now. i mean family studies was my major. so why not do what im good at. bye bye restaurant.

~ having a new fling see you at work everyday. call you when you get home everyday after just seeing each other. and basically making you his everything and you're not even dating...is a TURN OFF...ugh. it got so bad. i stopped liking this dude. lol. i def don't need a clinger in my life.

~ i wanna guy that will make me miss him. but will love me like he'll never see me again when we're together....

~ im tryna find a 4.20 party...i need to find a 4.20 party...ugh somebody please let me know of a 4.20 party!

~ RiP danity kane. im real mad he let aundrea go. wtf. its cool tho. i have like half of dawn's music that was leaked anyways. lol

~ cookie, che che, & pattie pat. its just me & my sisters. id kill for them. i had so much fun with my luvies today.

~ i need to go to sleep. but i wanna listen to the rest of this asher roth cd..

nite nite blogger.

[i smiled over the weekend]

2009-04-15T21:38:00.000-07:00

possessing forgiveness...

such a blessing and a curse.

with almost every aspect of my life. im burned and i forgive...

but doing unto others isnt helping me cuz people arent treating me how they want to be treated.

ugh. the fam. the boys. the friends. my life...

** random** i miss my youngin...i have this strange feeling hes just always gonna be in my life. somehow. no matter how bad he hurts me. he still manages to wipe those same tears. however. im saying this for the last time: don't ever lie to me. for some reason i keep you around. i listen to you when everybody else is saying not to. so remember that kidd. i know more than you think i know. so just don't lie to me....

anyways. my brain hurts from all the other confusion going on in my life.

i need to sleep. hopefully that phone call in the morning will make sense of whats going on in my head...